New Years 2019
As I celebrated with my partner and wishing him a Happy New year, I thought this is going to be my year. I had the warned the kids I would be celebrating through 2020 as I would be turning 40 (my 30th birthday was dire). In 2020 I was due to become a qualified yoga teacher and was hoping this would be the year, where I would see the fruits of my labour (studying to be exact) and start to make money in teaching Mindfulness and Child Yoga.
"What a plan", I hear you say.
Fast forward to May 2020
It's all gone to shit!! I have now been in lockdown for 7 weeks (I think 7, could be 6......it's all merging) with my partner and kids. COVID-19 hit the world. At first I was cussing out some bloke who decided Heinz was now bland; so thought he would try Bat Soup. Then, around week 3. I was cussing out the scientist who thought job satisfaction would be making the most contagious virus since the Spanish flu. We have been told numerous of theories about how the virus occurred. I just needed someone to blame for the way, my life had been put on breaks. I was just thankful that I knew not to believe the leader of the Free World.
I was just starting to get some interest in Child Yoga classes when we were advised to go into lockdown. My yoga teacher training has moved from in person to online, though the application of zoom (other video conferencing applications available). My summer holiday with the kids is looking very dice. And yet.... 80% of my time; I am positive. And whilst I may give some respect to my anti-depressants for my outlook, most I think is down to mindfulness.
I spend my days trying to live in the Present, the Now. I do this for the simple reason, the present is the only thing I have control of. And even then, only within the four walls of house. I wait with baited breath when BoJo will advise I can go see my family and friends again - How I long for this day. So, my main worries are what to make for dinner, how to homeschool without throwing the iPad across the room, do a have a wall in the house that my partner has not painted and whether the dog is being an arse; as he has twigged I have changed his dog food (Buster, I have been furloughed. We all have to make sacrifices mate. If I cannot have that second bottle of gin, you cannot have Lily's Kitchen organic food - first world problems mates.).
"What about the future, bitch? What about paying the bills? Will the kid's ability to learn be permanently affected by my homeschooling?" I hear you ask and all very valid questions. The answer..... I don't know. I have no control over the above. Now I could spend hours (and in the past, I have) thinking and ruminating over such things, but like I have previously stated I don't know, I have no control. I know at times I realise I am thinking about such things, I will sit with it for a while. Notice how it makes me feel and realise it is doing me no good. I can feel the stress in my body and will decide to do something more productive, like taking the dog for a walk, do a yoga practice to hug one of the kids (while they push me away).
I would say that not all has been bad in the seven weeks. My partner and I are still together, especially whilst being holed up with the kids and the dog (the dog isn't the issue). I have noticed the eldest and youngest child have the discipline to do school work without being nagged. The middle child has discovered that dishwasher fairies do not exist, and he can actually unload and load the machine himself. I have the capability to get up every morning and do a yoga practice and then sit and study. I have discovered despite the fighting, bickering and incessant noise, the kids actually have a good relationship with each other. My friends are amazing and so are the girls I am training with. Lastly, I will never take family granted again.
So, yes the future is looking bloody uncertain but try and find a positive in things. No point worrying about things, you have no control over. Easier said than done, I do realise that.
Lastly, if you cannot be with the one you love - love the one you are with (bloody love Vandross)
And so it is
x